A Visit to Friends
by ChaseThisLightWithMe
Summary: One-Shot. A visit to friends leads to realisations perhaps better off not made. "He was suffering just as much as Alec, even though it may not be for the same reasons, it was still there." Set years into the future. No spoilers or relation to CoLS at all. It may not be about exactly what you think.


**Heya! I've finished my exams! WOOH! I'm strangely excited about this one and hope you really like it. I technically began this in like July, but never finished it, so I promised myself to have it up today, right after the exam. Please bear with me for this one; I'm kind of worried I may be in over my head a little...  
For all intents and purposes of this one-shot, Simon will be human, not a vampire. Everyone else is still a Shadowhunter. Also, I feel I should say I don't intend to offend anyone, although I don't think anything is particularly bad, but I wanted to just put that there. Happy reading!**

The taxi pulled up to the curb and rolled to a stop in front of a regular-looking red brick house with tulips growing on the sides of the freshly mowed front lawn. The grey clouds had shifted to fluffy white ones during the ride from Brooklyn. Everything was quieter and calmer. Magnus stepped out of the cab, passing over a few notes to the polite driver and examined the small residence before him. He'd been there a number of times but almost every time he would feel the shadow of uneasiness curl up his spine. He was so used to his bustling streets, buildings that climbed to the sky and raucous parties that lasted all night, being faced with such peace and quiet tended to unsettle him a bit.

"Hey, give me a hand" Alec asked from behind him, trying to get out while juggling a salad bowl and a plate loaded with small cakes.

When Magnus had taken the bundle so Alec could stand beside him he murmured to the black haired Shadowhunter, "I would 'give you a hand' anywhere at any time you asked, but since we are about to go to your brothers house I highly doubt it would be appropriate to do it right now. Besides, it wasn't my idea to bring this stuff" he gestured to the food "let alone make it from scratch. I, however, did offer to magic the food once we got here so it _looked_ home-made or bring a pitcher of my famous margaritas."

After so long of living with Magnus, Alec had grown pretty immune to Magnus' dirty little comments (which he would purposely slip into the wrong moments) thus making it more difficult to get a blush to show up on his pale cheeks. "_That._" Alec pointed out "would have been inappropriate."

"What? The adults can enjoy a little alcohol Alexander, even if you aren't one of them."

Alec stared Magnus down for a moment, then his eyes softened and he smiled, walking to the front door. "You better not forget about that 'helping hand' when we get home." Magnus heard his laughter filter in the growing space between them as Alec walked up the path and he grinned, already excited for the evening's plans back at the apartment.

He heard Alec's knocks sound out as he made the rest of the way up the final steps to the front door, they both waited patiently. Alec's eyes searched Magnus' face momentarily. The blue in them seemed to have intensified as he had aged. However, whenever Magnus looked at Alec he did not see much of a difference from that boy from Chairman Meow's party. He couldn't say the same for Clary who opened the door at that moment. Despite being Alec's junior but two years she had lost the simple roundness to her face and if it were possible her hair was more of a disarray of coppery curls. She looked like Jocelyn more than ever right there in her pale blue jeans that had little flecks of paint on them and forest green sweater.

"Hey guys, come out back, everyone's there." Alec leaned into Clary and kissed her cheek, handing over the dishes that they had brought. She thanked him and he easily manoeuvred his way through the simple, cosy house. Magnus also kissed her cheeks and stepped in, immediately recognising all the framed photos and paintings Clary had completed over the years. Quite a few were beautiful landscapes that swirled in gorgeous warm, earthy colours and seemed to jump out to create extra life into the home. It was obvious that Clary looked after the house, Magnus doubted Jace could manage to colour coordinate all those deep, rich colours so perfectly. Somehow she had created the feel of a secluded cabin in the woods while still maintaining that contemporary touch.

Clary had left him to take the plates to the kitchen, trusting him to get to the backyard by himself. He slipped through the well-known rooms silently until he made it outside again which unfolded to a large decked area with an outdoor setting and even further out to a lush lawn that curled around the side of the house.

Jace was reclining on a deck chair, his golden hair artfully mussed, a glass in his hand and sunglasses resting on his head. Simon and Isabelle were sitting on a set of chairs that were in a semi-circle arrangement, facing the grass. There was a spot for all of them and when Clary returned she whacked Jace on the head telling him to be a 'normal human being' and sit with everyone else.

Izzy had jumped to her feet upon seeing Magnus and they shared air kisses and a warm embrace. The Lightwood girl looked amazing in stark white jeans and black heels. Simon shook his hand and sat back down beside Isabelle. Jace gave him one of those manly hugs.

Magnus sat between Izzy and Jace who had their respective partners beside them. "Where's Alec?" Magnus asked to no one in particular just as a small shout was heard and Alec came around the corner of the house with little three small children hanging off him and a fourth running behind, trying to keep up with his long strides.

Izzy snorted. "Where else?"

The five of them watched as the eldest Lightwood sibling was brought to his knees and simultaneously attacked by four different bobbing heads until he was lying on his back and the only thing visible was the top of his black hair and his long jean-covered legs. Magnus winced a little when he noticed there was a bit of dirt caked into the knees because those were a pair he had bought Alec. He guessed it shouldn't matter when the boy looked so happy.

"Let's get Uncle Alec! He's a great big demon and we're fearsome Shadowhunters – the best there is!"

Magnus turned and saw Clary and Izzy watching the display intently, tiny smiles playing on their lips. Again, Magnus could see how different his four friends were after twelve years. It was the quality of their faces – they seemed pleasantly happy, but matured. Magnus figured that's what children did to you; you couldn't be the kid anymore. To him, Alec hadn't really changed – they had stopped thinking about death and aging, it was a mutual agreement, in order to avoid a lot of heartache, pain and unfortunate arguments – in the warlock's eyes Alec even looked younger than them, stuck like Magnus, perhaps the extended amount of time together caused some of his mortality to pass over. Maybe it was only wishful thinking on Magnus' behalf. Maybe that's what Magnus wanted to feel, but without a doubt Alec must have been a graceful ager – a lucky one. That much was obvious to Magnus.

* * *

It was Clary and Jace who got married first.

_Magnus remembered how beautiful everything was that night. He remembered Alec standing by his parabatai, in a wonderful suit, supporting a surprisingly nervous Jace before Clary stepped in. Her gold gown was stunning and shone whenever the sunlight that was peeking through the windows hit it. Magnus and Alec spent the rest of the evening in each others arms, slow dancing the night away. No one could have wiped that smile off Alec's face. It was one of those smiles where you think no one is looking, but it was permanently planted onto his face that night. _

_Maryse had cried that day. He'd never seen her do it since Max died and he expected the feelings of seeing the boy she adopted so many years ago, who was so broken, finally happy was too overwhelming. It was a tangible kind of happiness - one that touched everyone around her._

_The couple had kept a few mundane traditions, as requested by Clary – Maia had caught the bouquet (much to Izzy's temporary annoyance) and Alec snagged the garter after Jace had expertly withdrawn it from Clary's thigh with his teeth. The colour Alec had turned was priceless._

_Alec and Magnus had decided to book a hotel for the night in celebration and basically stood in comfortable silence on the balcony, watching the stars map themselves against a cloudless black canvas, Alec's head resting on his shoulder and the smell of violets drifting in the night air._

_Then they were told Clary was pregnant. A few months after the wedding when they were visiting Clary dropped the news, her hand gripping onto Jace's excitedly. Jace couldn't do anything to contain his smile and he more or less blurted out to them that they were having a boy._

_And they were going to call him Max._

_For the first time during his general state of happiness since the wedding, Alec's smile faltered, a small hesitation in his step as he went to give a congratulatory hug to his parabatai._

_No on else noticed, but being with someone for so long anyone could pick up on those little changes. Magnus' heart twitched for his boyfriend, knowing it was best not to really say anything or do anything in front of everyone. Unconsciously, his fingers had reached out for Alec but he redirected it to Clary, touching her shoulder while delivering a kiss._

_Magnus knew Alec wanted to name his first son Max._

* * *

"Magnus?" It was Isabelle.

"Don't worry, he's just perving on Alec's ass" Jace chimed in. He was wrong, but that didn't change the fact that Magnus did in fact have a spectacular view.

"Bitter I'm not looking at yours?" he queried.

Jace snorted a reply and Izzy continued. "How have you two been going lately? How's Alec?"

Around Magnus four pairs of eyes watched him and he was all of a sudden confused as to why they were all interested in their lives. Was there something he did not know about?

"Alec's fine, you can see for yourselves" he waved a hand in Alec's direction "We're both really good. How are the little ones?"

Even as Magnus redirected the questioning he felt a pang of guilt for perhaps not being as truthful as he should have been.

It worked like clockwork every single time. They were told someone was pregnant, Clary or Izzy, and Alec would swell with happiness and excitement, as any brother would, but Magnus would notice that flicker in his crystal eyes - it was easier to recognise over time. Then nine months later he'd be running after Alec down a hospital or infirmary corridor, everything merging into a blur except for Alec's racing body in front of him.

When he would finally catch up to him, he almost always crashed into the Shadowhunter for he would have only made it three or four steps into the room. He'd stand stock-still, unable to make it the rest of the way to the bed alone. Magnus would twist his fingers in Alec's and guide him the rest of the way to Clary or Isabelle.

Every time Alec would be silent with wide eyes, looking at the child in their mother's arms, evaluating the tiny miracle.

Magnus especially remembered when Max was born; it was the first of three identical occasions - when Clary had her second child and Izzy had the twins.

* * *

_Clary reclined tiredly, hair still slightly matted across her face, into numerous pillows behind her, baby Max nestled quietly in her arms. "Alec, you can breathe you know," she said gently, taking in Alec's frozen form. "Do... do you want to hold your nephew?" she continued timidly, unsure of how to interpret his behaviour. Magnus soon learnt that Alec was only unresponsive because there were a thousand thoughts running through his head._

_Magnus squeezed Alec's fingers and let go, gently prodding him forward. He watched Alec reach down to Clary and tentatively collect the swaddled bundle of blankets and hold it against his strong chest. _

"_A natural" Jace murmured to Clary, "I almost dropped him the first time." _

_Magnus observed as Alec stared at the chubby face for a countless moment before those baby blues dragged up to Magnus' face and he gave him a heartbreakingly honest, happy smile accompanied by little pools of moisture at the rims of his eyes, although, they were only for Magnus to see._

_They'd always be so close when they exchanged that look and Magnus could never stop himself from returning it. And for the shortest moment he could picture what it would be like having a family with Alec. Never before had he readily allowed such thoughts to enter his mind. As much as he knew he had opened Alec's eyes to new worlds outside of Shadowhunting, Alec had done the same for him. His outlook on life had changed. It had happened before with other lovers, but not as easily as it had been with Alec._

_They always took it in turns to hold the new born child, although, when Izzy had her twins they each held one separately, beaming at the other. _

_Each time, the rest of the gang that was not Magnus or Alec, watched the two in their own little bubble of happiness with their niece or nephew._

_It was only when they got home that the persistent feeling in Alec's heart would finally win out._

"_Do you think we should do something?"_

"_Something? In what sense?"_

"_You know... everyone has started a family... or is starting one"_

"_Jace, Clary, Izzy and Simon hardly constitute as 'everyone'"_

"_Don't be difficult."_

_Magnus sighed "What do you mean then?"_

* * *

_S_omeone screamed and laughter soon followed. "Again! Again Uncle Alec!"

Alec was now lifting each child up above his head and twirling around in circles while his niece or nephew stretched out their arms and legs as if they were flying.

Alec was a much better uncle than Magnus had allowed himself to ever be. He wanted Alec to take all of the experiences and moments, content to watch Alec time after time play tea parties, sitting in chairs three times smaller than any ordinary one, or be dragged off in shopping centres to look at the newest toys or play the kid's favourite; 'Shadowhunters and Demons'.

It was an unconscious decision: _Let Alec enjoy all of this_.

That was not to say Magnus did not join in on occasion, he was still their sparkly uncle, something Alec couldn't compete with. When the girls became teenagers that's when it was going to be Magnus' time to shine, of course, if the boys wanted to tag along they could.

"Stop!" Alec shouted, half laughing. "That tickles guys!"

He was back on the ground again.

The four giggled and repeatedly attacked Alec with their tiny fingers.

"If you really want to tickle him–"

"Don't! Magnus I swear to the Angel if you say anything" Alec's strangled voice sounded above the giggles and shouts.

"You'll do what?" he smirked from the deck.

"I'll..."

"Do not mention anything we, especially our kids, don't want to hear, _especially_if it involves the bedroom" Jace intercepted.

"Fine by me, but if you wanted to know that the back of his neck is the most ticklish part of him, it wasn't me that told you" he laughed.

"MAGN-" Alec tried to yell at his boyfriend but the kids were already diving for his neck, laughing evilly.

Magnus leaned in closer to Jace "By the way, the bedroom is not very adventurous darling, think more... _creative_" God, Magnus loved teasing Jace, he didn't think it would ever get old.

Jace winced accordingly, making Magnus smirk. "Really? Was that necessary? Honestly, come on" He pointed to Alec "Parabatai. That doesn't mean I need to know all of _this_." He gestured again between Magnus and Alec.

"Angel, Alec is so good with them, I love it when he comes over, it gives me a break" Clary interrupted, her eyes glued to Alec laughing controllably at the hands of his nieces and nephews. "If you are free soon can you babysit again? It's been a while since Jace and I have had some time together."

Magnus didn't mention that they had babysat two weeks before; instead he smiled and said "Just ask Alec, he's the one that does most of it. You should have seen last time, he put on a DVD for them and you know him, not being one for kiddie films or films in general, he fell asleep. I came back from meeting clients to find them drawing Runes all over him in texta. He looked ridiculous. Although, I did join in a bit before I woke him up"

Magnus could clearly picture the badly drawn runes up and down Alec's arms as well as his neck and face in a multitude of blues, pinks, greens, yellows and reds. It was the most colourful Magnus had seen Alec.

"No way" Clary gasped in disbelief "The little monsters"

"I wouldn't worry; Alec didn't seem to mind. He loves those kids too much."

There was a small silence while the group seemed to be reflecting on Alec, the once quiet boy who sank into the background had grown into himself and was finally happy. He had changed so much for the better over the years and yet hadn't changed much at all; he still wore sweaters and jeans (although, Magnus intervened a little and managed to get some say in the Shadowhunters wardrobe), he was still stubborn when he and Jace were going to go out hunting and Magnus asked him to cut down on all the dangerous activity and he still blushed adorably when Magnus became just that extra bit creative with his teasing innuendos.

"Do… you guys think that you'll ever… you know… Alec, he… he's pretty comfortable–" Simon stopped, staring at the ground.

"What Simon is _really_ trying to spit out is that do you think you'll ever start a family?"

Magnus' insides constricted.

Magnus knew Alec wasn't stupid, he was well aware that being in a relationship with another a male meant they wouldn't have kids the 'traditional' way, and that never seemed to bother Alec, Magnus saw that. It was not something they had ever really addressed among the large number of relationship related conversations they had had, but Magnus had to admit, the arrival of a new child always led a person to think 'What if?" and Alec and Magnus were older than the others and were certainly capable for such a thing as well.

He had guessed that Alec probably had too much faith in the system. But never in a million years could Magnus have guessed exactly how much faith Alec had in Shadowhunter laws.

* * *

_They had looked at adoption. Hope blossomed in their hearts; easily for Alec, unwillingly for Magnus. Alec's emotions were infectious and Magnus certainly didn't expect to feel the way he did. He refused to allow himself to believe it would be easy._

_The Consul and Head of the orphanage had refused them, barely giving an excuse._

_Magnus knew the reason, even if they wouldn't say it outright._

_A Downworlder and a Shadowhunter couple._

_A gay Downworlder and Shadowhunter couple._

_Even the evidence of their solid relationship of twelve years didn't seem to matter._

_Magnus had promised to not be excited about the possible outcomes, because somewhere in that uncontrollable joy there was a slight nagging that reminded him of everything bad that could happen, but stupidly, he chose to ignore them, opening himself up to the wonderful possibilities and leaving him vulnerable to the crushing final words of the Consul, "We just don't think that you'd both be fit parents of one of our children." It rang through his head like the heavy clangs of a church bell. It was the only thing he could hear or focus on._

'_Won't be fit parents...'_

_Nothing could compare to the utter betrayal he felt in that moment and he did not want to comprehend what Alec was feeling. There was a time where Shadowhunters and Downworlders had united and it was successful. Obviously, that meant nothing to them._

_Alec had nodded carefully to the authorities across the desk; gently brushing his hand past Magnus' to signal it was their time to leave. Alec got up and Magnus vaguely recalled copying that movement. Alec's hand was on his shoulder as if he knew Magnus was debating if he should yell at the prejudiced bastards or resort to violent magicking. _

_That strategically placed hand had grounded him. He certainly had not expected to be that angry especially when this was Alec's dream more so than Magnus'._

_When they were back in the safety of their apartment Alec finally allowed his emotions consume him. He disentangled himself from Magnus, who was attempting to silently comfort him through gentle touch, and walked smoothly to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, all before Magnus could get a word in._

_He sat with his back against the bathroom door listening to Alec's shaky breaths and muffled sobs for God knows how long, dying to be on the other side of that closed door with Alec in his arms. He knew he could snap his fingers and remove the barrier, but it wasn't fair on the Shadowhunter, who obviously wanted to be alone. The sound of Alec's sadness still resonated in his mind occasionally._

* * *

They had both decided to never mention it to the others, not wanting their pity or to have to relive it again – it's not like they didn't think about it all the time anyway. It was going to be a surprise for them if the adoption was successful. Now, Magnus was happier with that decision – he didn't think he could bear watching Alec retell the bad news.

"No. No, we haven't really thought or talked about it much" Magnus lied evenly, knowing he was a better liar than Alec. He silently prayed no one brought it up in front of Alec or to him, but there was no way of telling the group not to without giving something away. If he at least faked disinterest they might leave it alone.

Alec preferred to keep a lot of their affairs private, despite the very close relationships he had with his brother and sister, he could tell Alec was sick of his siblings looking at him with curiosity in their eyes, wondering what the future will hold for him.

"Oh well, you two would have been great parents... maybe in a few years" Clary continued, unaware of how much her words were piercing Magnus' very soul.

Magnus barely pulled the corners of his lips up in recognition of her statement. "Yeah… maybe." He hoped his vague response would be interpreted as something more 'Magnus-like' in behaviour, like too occupied with staring at Alec's ass, so that none of them would notice that everything actually wasn't alright.

He felt his walls crumble down again just by the mention of the topic, not because they could not adopt, but because at the same time he was watching the reality in front of him - Alec happily playing with four little children, who were absolutely besotted with him as well. He could remember all the phone calls they'd get from Jace, Clary, Simon or Izzy so one of the children could share with their favourite uncle the day's adventure or how much they missed him or that they really wished they could come over.

For the most part, they _were_ fine.

Magnus more than loved waking up to, coming home to or spending time with his beautiful Shadowhunter, but with the thought of beginning their own family sprouting in his mind he now felt as if something were missing and had felt that way ever since Alec brought up the idea. He, Magnus Bane, never thought he'd be in such a situation, but just like time had changed Jace and Clary or Simon and Izzy it had surely begun to change him, twisting it's wicked tendrils through his body and across his heart, making him only more determined to fight it.

But nothing was going to change the pain and heartache that he saw in Alec's eyes every time he was reminded of what he was refused. It was a poison in itself, the children; they made Alec so happy, but also made a roller coaster of his internal battles. Even though Magnus was good at picking up those tell-tale signs, Alec was getting better at hiding his emotions, which only made it harder for the warlock who was at a complete loss with what to do.

Right now they had each other and they were going to make it through these difficult times that threatened to take Alec away from him, trying in vain to drive a wedge between them. That was one thing Magnus would not let happen. He also, surprisingly, suffered as much as Alec, even though he never really entertained the thought of a family – he too felt the loss of something that they never had in the first place, which was a curious feeling but one Magnus could not ignore. He knew he had to be there for Alec, each time the smile was not as genuine, or he'd squeeze his hand that little bit too hard, or a rogue tear would disrupt the pale beauty of his face.

It was well into the night by the time made any movement was made to leave, the children napping on couches and the six sitting and enjoying the calm of the night. The cab ride home was in silence, Magnus and Alec's hands clasped innocently on the middle seat, creating a balance between them, Magnus slowly tracing unknown patterns across Alec's hand.

He knew now why he always felt indescribable pull on his heart when they were visiting Jace and Clary or Isabelle and Simon. He was suffering just as much as Alec, even though it may not be for the same reasons, it was still there.

He recognised it to be the painful reminder, slowly drawing him deeper into the darkness, of all the things he could not give Alec, even if they were out of his control. He felt that he should be able to control them; he was the High Warlock of Brooklyn for god's sake.

And that was what hurt the most.

**I want to clarify some things in case it was not really stated much here, but one, Alec is 30 here (although, as Magnus reflects, he does look really good for his age, younger looking than the others), Jace is 28-29, Simon, Clary and Izzy are 28. Clary and Jace had Max who is 5 in this and girl that is 3. Izzy and Simon had twins but they're a boy and a girl, they're 4. I kind of didn't want to go into detail about the kids and their names, because I didn't want it to take away from the real idea of the fic. Two, I hope the tenses are ok, I kept changing my mind as to how I'd do the flashbacks/memories and it was hard to keep them right. Three, I don't want anyone to think Magnus doesn't like the children, he loves them, but feels it should be Alec who does everything and he doesn't want to take that from him. Four, it might seem like they all had kids quite young, and I guess they did, but my reasoning for this is that as Shadowhunters they could die young, so they'd be wanting to have families (also, I didn't really want to make Alec 35 or 40 so everyone else could have their kids at 30).  
Sorry for the long note, if there are further questions about this just ask :)  
Mistakes are my own... I did kind of rush this now...  
**

**PLEASE REVIEW! I've been concerned whether or not it was a good idea to take this road...**


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